Toastgate

Things should be as straight-forward as this lotion.

Express lines should be faster, four-way stop signs shouldn't perplex drivers, raisins should come with warning not to eat before bed, gyms should have towels that don't smell like mold, m4m massage is not always sex work, health care should be free for all, museums should have one admission for everything, drag queens should always be tipped.

Red is a bold color. Blood, stop signs, communism, Eve's and Snow White's apple! So, I'm unclear of the decision that allows one to park their car in a red zone.

Is it too much to expect that a technological device update might provide smoother, more efficient operations? Again, apples.

Out of all the things of what makes LA, LA, the parking of vehicles on sidewalks, half in driveways and half into the street, is, truly, the most fascinating. I live in Koreatown. It's the centrally located section of LA that imagines a kind of East Side Story of the taco versus the dumpling. Had it not been called Koreatown, one might have easily mistaken this place for something else. What does this have to do with parking? Who the fuck knows. What it does have is an overwhelming amount of manhunts by helicopter, dog poop, drunk drivers, street vendors, boba and illegal parking. And the illegal parking is becoming bolder by the minute!

Just yesterday, as I was walking back from It's Boba Time!, sipping on a watermelon slush and minding my own business, I saw a Honda Accord parked halfway up a palm tree. The front bumper was actually being supported by a palm tree, so that the front wheels were several inches from the ground. Being that I'm no idiot, I can tell the difference between intentional and unintentional, the later being brought on after several martinis. No cracked glass in these windows. No damage to the sides, cuts, scrapes, what have you. Just a good old Honda Accord resting itself on a palm tree.

Mind you, parking in Koreatown is like waiting for Trump to be impeached. Everything could blow up around you and STILL, they'd be no parking because street cleaning. Street cleaning is nothing to worry about if you have a regular job, but since no one with a car in Koreatown appears to have gainful employment, there isn't any parking. Lesson learned: do not schedule a caucasian house cleaner to come after 5pm, because they will most likely have a car, and your house will not be getting cleaned.  One time, there was a cleaner that had a near panic attack at the thought of having to park at a meter. My suggestion that I provide her with coins was outright refused.

Note to self: google "parking meter phobia"

And whatever happened to people being just plain mean? I don't miss NYC, but I do miss that trait. I'd much rather have the person behind the counter say "go fuck yourself" when I ask for a vegan muffin than have someone smile at me and feign looking in a back room for ten minutes to return and say "we're fresh out!"

And what the fuck is with the avocado toast situation? It's reached the point of Toastgate. When avocado toast coasts more than what the individual in the kitchen is making per hour, you make it the fuck at home. I'm not pointing to any particular place for such an offense, but you hear that, The Standard?